Isn't it Nice to Know?

(Caution, cryptic blogpost. Just trying to sort out thoughts.)

I wish I could get rid of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What I was so afraid of, I fear has happened. I'm not quite sure what to do with that realization. It kinda makes me want to cry, but I'm sort of numb at this point. I saw it coming... I think I cried more this month than I have in the whole year combined. Which is weird, because I can also say I've had a TON of fun this month, and I wouldn't trade THAT for anything. (at least... I think)

I'm just not sure what God is doing. I'm not sure how to keep my "promise". I said I'd never leave. How's that add up with now? How do I cherish what I had, and look forward to what's to come, when I have no idea if "what's to come" is good or not??

I guess I'm not supposed to know, and that'd be why today I read Ezekiel 34 and Psalm 23 this morning. It talked about how we are God's sheep, and how he would take care of us. Yeah, the passage was originally written for Israel, but I'm one of those "lost sheep". He's made me a sheep :P (baaaabaaa)

Psalm 23 (as you can guess from the previous post) has been "speaking" a lot to me lately. It's got so much comfort packed in one chapter. It's so beautiful:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. (He provides all I need!)

He makes me lie down in green pastures, (He forces me to rest, even though I hate sitting still!)
he leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul. (Ever had soul crushing grief? Yeah, he takes care of that.)
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.(Me: "Why do I always get in trouble for being good?? I'm DONE" God: "Umm my name's sake Nels, not yours.")

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; ("I will never leave you nor forsake you.")
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. (again with the comfort, "For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lam 3:33. He wounds with reason.)

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. (Finally, a resting place with my Shepherd, the walk is over, we've reached home!!)

Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver?