ADVENTURES IN COLLEGE---Active Listening

Well. I think I have some new tags for things:
1. Adventures in College
2. The Other Side of the Stage. (Which one day, I hope will be a blog of its own... but I don't have the time for it right now.)

Today, in school. I laughed.
AMAZING I KNOW, RIGHT?
Just kidding.
What I mean was.... I laughed in my head... and tried very hard not to giggle too loudly in class.
You see....
Today we did an "active listening" project. Simple...seems like a good exercise, right?
Well ... first let me give you some background.
I grew up in a family where "active listening" was commonplace. Now generally when we're all just having a good time we run over each others sentences and just laugh our heads off at every little thing. But my parents always taught me to listen.... and listen well.
Listening is a skill that not many people have. Lots of people hear things... but not many people listen. There's a huge difference between the two.
Listening involves not just hearing what the person is saying but what they're not saying as well. So today in class we outlined what three things were necessary to actively listen.

1. Paraphrasing-
I do this naturally, so I thought it was really really odd that no one in my class knew how to do it. (and laughed inside, because as a homeschooler... *I'm* the one that's supposed to have awkward social skills.) Now if you still don't know what this is, it's actually really simple. When someone tells you something, you re-word what they're saying to make sure you actually understand.
A good example of this would be when your mom tells you to do a chore... and you re-phrase what she says so that you can get out of it. I.E.
Mom: "Honey, go clean the kitchen."
You: "So, you just want me to clean out the sink?"
...
Obviously this form of paraphrasing isn't "positive" and it's a little manipulative... but now you understand what it is.

2. Acknowledge the Speakers Feelings
This is really simple and easy too. When your friend says to you; "Shelly is really cruel and always talks badly about me." You would say; "Woahwoah, sounds like you're pretty ticked off!!!"
See? Really easy.

3. Ask Questions
This ones pretty easy too, see... Lets go back to your friend who was complaining about Shelly. Now you don't want to give advice to your friend right now, she's pretty ticked off... it could end badly, plus, your friend didn't ask for help. SO. Instead you ask questions so that your friend can figure out for themselves what they need to do.
But you aren't manipulative or ingenuine. You honestly care about your friend and Shelly, so you don't want to do anything to hurt them.
A good question to ask in this situation would be; "What'd Shelly do to make you so upset?"

So now that you understand how relatively easy this is... let me introduce you to my group for our project.
Now let me give a disclaimer: these people are the people I sit next to and are amazing people.
Now.
3 People.
Me.
And two other people. We'll call them Dan and Jasmine.

Dan, Jasmine and I need to re-inacte a scenario where Jasmine has just broken up with her boyfriend. Jasmine is in tears and obviously upset. She comes running to me for consolation. (Dan at this time was supposed to "observe") We begin and I start the three step process of active listening. At one point we stop because one of the questions I asked sounded sort of like "advising". (I asked Jasmine whether she missed her boyfriend or just doing things, and if I went to go do something with her would she feel better?) Dan suddenly became very confused.
He stopped both of us and said;
"Wait, if you're not supposed to be giving advice, what's the point to listening to her?"
I balked.
But then said; "Well after a break-up, she doesn't really want advice... she wants you to cry and eat bon-bons with her."
"Really?" Dan said, "Why would she do that? Isn't that just rehearsing it? Shouldn't she just get over it?"
That time I had to laugh. I laughed really hard.
Another guy from the back of the room shouted; "Yeah, isn't it time she just moved on??"
EPIC. FACEPALM.
I totally though active listening was easy, but now I see it's not natural for people.
I don't know if this was a lack of training in the public schools, or a gender bias, or what. But it made me laugh...
I hope it made you laugh too.
Next time your friend comes running to you with a problem, don't try to fix it. :) He/She will feel a whole lot better if you wait until they ask you for advice.