A Commentary on Society

So I realize I have not written in an eternity.
Now I hate it when other bloggers start a post like that, but I just did. But I had good reason. Really, I did.

I had the privilege of being one of the tech's for CYT's play Daniel. It was amazing, and I have loved every exhausting minute of it. I think I really have found my passion. It feels like I finally found where I fit in.

I've always been a little guyish, but not a tomboy. Never really entirely fit in with the "normal crowd." I thought I was my own little category.
This is society:



that's me, that little purple/fuchsia colored box. So weird I don't get counted as a percentage, and no one can decide on the color that I am... fuchsia? purple? pinkISH.
and then the fact that I'm a rectangle.... Just totally didn't fit in. Some people admire others for being outside that circle. But it can get lonely. Then I realized. My view of society was a tad skewed




The way reality really looks is like this:



Notice how fun the last two categories look compared to the first two.
Yes. I do fit into society. But I have waaaaaaaaay more fun ;)


So yeah. I found where I fit. And I like it. :)

heart

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THE SKY IS SO BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
AND IT'S WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
AND IT'S SATURDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

hehe
joy.

I want to go to the park.
I think I shall ask my mother.
If not. I'm going down to the lake, in some random dress, and I'm going to feed the ducks stale pieces of bread.
I love Saturdays.

Light's, Sixth Graders, and the Gospel

Well, it's Monday.
I am SO sore.
We had Middle School HD at our church (His Design, it's winter camp :) hehe) anyways. I was asked to do the teching for it (lights) and of COURSE I would say yes, see the thing about camps and other activities that AREN'T Sunday mornings: the lighting tech gets to have a little more fun (mwhahah strobe lights anyone?)... Well then I got asked to be a leader of the sixth grade girls, and I made sure to ask that the fact that I was running lights would not get in the way of things. I was told it wouldn't, so I went ahead and agreed to that.
Boy did I give myself a job.
The first night, I got my nametag and realized someone had marked me as a "driver". I only JUST got my permit. Soooo I had to run back and forth from the tech booth, upstairs and back. Over, and over and over again.
It was fun.
Then I met the girls that were going to be in the house we were staying at. They were awesome. I love them all, and I totally want to be their leader at Summer Camp, but I doubt they'll let me do that, since they want the seniors to go to some conference that's like... $75o to go. Yeah, not happening. :P

Anyways, in the sessions we talked about how the gospel should change our every day lives. The speaker (Rich Rudolph) explained how our purpose in life is to:
A. Worship God
B. Teach others about Him
I was really really surprised how well my six girls got this concept. We stayed up really late (ok, not supersuper late, but considering how early they wanted to go to bed the night before, it was late.) talking about the end times, do baby's go to heaven when they die, do we exist before we show up in mom's stomach, do we go straight to heaven when we die, or do we go to a holding place?
etc.
It was really cool. They totally were awesome, I had so much fun.

I also learned a few things about techies:
1. Going deaf is really easy, not to mention, really fun.
2. I think coms have become my favorite thing.
3. We forget to eat. Dinner? what's that? All I know, is that the worship leader just switched three of my songs, and I have to program for them.
4. Mountain Dew, is the most glorious substance on earth. (wait, I already knew that... but it needed to be stated again) I think I spent more on Mountain Dew than I did in Adventure Landing. Staying awake was more important than a slushie.
5. I learned that the coms should really have a mute button. Especially if the other people are mumblers, or singers, or just love driving you bonkers.
6. When people get tired, stupid things happen. And nothing makes sense.
7. I really hate and love the stupid overriding white box in the chapel. I don't know whether to throw it or kiss it every time I have to use it.
8. The Chapel really needs a different light theme. It's so boring.
9. Camera's really should be able to have night vision, so that it can be dark when we're singing.
10. Techie's have a lot of patience, or at least.... learn it really quickly.

I also learned a few things about middleschoolers:
1. They're completely clueless. So much so that it's funny.
2. Guys never take showers. That's nasty.
3. They will play ANY game, in order to prove that girls are better than guys or vice versa.
4. They love tackling people, and torturing them with non-stop tickling.
5. Most of them don't get why a Senior wouldn't have a phone. "Broke" is a foreign word to them.
6. The smallest thing could ruin their day or make it.
7. They love asking questions, especially if it bugs you.
8. Their energy never ends. I swear, I don't know how they didn't fall asleep during sessions.
9. They love shouting and seeing themselves on camera
10. I absolutely love them.

Ok, I'm going to go place heat packs on the multiple pulled muscles in my body. ... Can I do it again next year?

Romans 8

(Pre-warning. This is very personal. I wrote it in response to a question I had been posed due to a Bible-Study I am participating in. The Question was "Have you seen Romans 8 in your own life?")

Well January, you've been pretty cruel. To everyone. The only way I can describe you is -- entropy.

It started off watching my grandfather slowly deteriorate from "severe gout" and destroyed bone marrow from the chemo he received last (2? ) year for his prostate cancer. He has been reduced to a wheel chair, "progress" is considered him walking to the TV and back. My grandma and him aren't even sleeping in the same bed anymore. My grandmother's OCD and anxiety have only heightened because of what's occurred. I heard my grandfather say "I love you" to my father, for the first time in my ENTIRE life, and I had the privilege of watching my father break down in tears.

My former best friend (still a friend in my mind :P) hates me so much I think he mightta moved to another church. Or at least found a way to conveniently NOT be there when I am. Which I guess is okay, nobody likes to be in a room with someone who loathes them (And won't even tell you why and if they were a friend, should forgive the other person for whatever it was they did to be loathed. Really, what's on the unforgivable list???)

My pinano playing friend passed out and spent the day in the ER. The longest she's stayed awake is some 6 hours.

My beach buddy has had surgery on her knee (due to a loose patella) had surgery due to cysts in her stomach, been informed she's diabetic and THEN that her immune system's shot. (i.e. she may die.) On top of that, she just found out she may have to put her dog down.

My mom almost died.
Your blood sugar is supposed to stay around 90-100. Any lower = bad. Zero = dead.
She took the wrong insulin.
By the time we gave her three glucose tablets (which is a LOT) her blood sugar was only up to 42. I don't want to know how low it got. Talk about scary. I still can't believe she's alive. I hope I NEVER have to see that again.

Despite all this, some good things have happened. I have learned that we don't have long; death is sitting at our door. We need to love lots, and always forgive. Someone else maybe hurting, that may be the cause of their stupidity. More than that-we're not gaurenteed tomorrow, why waste it complaining and pointing out people's flaws?
My grandpa's beginning to see that 1 Corinthians 13:3-8 is key. In a way, as sad as his situation is-- it's proving Romans 8. It's conforming him to the image of Christ. I'm really hoping he doesn't miss the lesson.

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (NIV)

With the weird situation, I have learned that other peoples opinions are not essential, I have learned a great deal of patience, exercised my "hope" muscle and learned how to forgive. The situation is not solved. I can't fix it. But I do know through a rough, dirty, problem Christ has prevailed. My faith has grown stronger and my worth secured in Christ's loving arms.

Between my two other friends, I cannot speak for them. I don't know WHY God's allowing that to happen, but I know he has a good reason. I know it's teaching me to trust, and show God's love through rough times.

Again, my mom almost dying was a reality check. Who is guaranteed tomorrow? With that love being absent, what would happen to my faith? It would SO take a hit. I'm not afraid to say that. My faith isn't in my mom though... It's in Christ, and how he saved me from my mortal body soaked with sin, and is leading me by the hand through the valley of death into glorious light where I will live with him forever. No more tears, pain, or death.

So yes, I have seen Romans 8 in action. All creation groans. We are dying. We hold on to hope because all things work together for the good of those who love Him. We're being conformed to the image of his Son. We're a bunch of messed up people. But God doesn't leave us there. What a beautiful thing to see the gospel daily.

:(
So my friend can't come over, her mom doesn't feel like driving "that far." to my house. (sadcryface)
Oh well. I guess God has a different plan.
...
I even bought oreo's and everything. Brooke's babysitting tonight and moved back up to her room. So I'll be by myself tonight I guess.

The Speaking Rock is coming over to teach me math. Bleah. I don't like math. I don't think anything will MAKE me like math. I could be wrong.
And to top it all off we're having ham. Yahyahyah, I know I make the meals... but I didn't realized it was pre-glazed. BLEAH. (hey, maybe it'll turn out ok.)

Oh well.

On the bright side, God answered a totally different prayer this morning, and the results bring me great joy ^_^

Oh, and I driveded my mommy and I to Walmart and back without killing anyone, or even getting honked at :D
Yep, wonder what God has planned differently tonight.
Weird how my Bible-readings keep lining up with my weeks.... (Romans 8) Guess I really shouldn't be surprised at that.....
:) YEP that's my life.

Hey, if I'm sinking up does it sound like "plub plub plub?"

s;ldHG:OOQ

MWHHAHAHAHAAH
I HAVE MY PEEEEEEERMIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTT
I'm not sure whether to be sad or happy my hair is no longer considered "blonde".
HOWEVER.
It is cut, with a cute little bang.
This day has been FOR THE WIN.

The Squirrel of Death

I never dreamed, slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect.



I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. It was a squirrel, and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close. I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle, but a squirrel should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact.



Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!



Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes. His mouth opened, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leaped! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Banzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!"



The leap was nothing short of spectacular... He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest.



Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, leather riding gloves, and jeans this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!



Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.



And losing.



I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw.



That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there. It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser.



But this was no ordinary squirrel, this was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH! Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle.



A healthy twist on the throttle of a Valkyrie can only have one result. TORQUE. This is what the Valkyrie is made for, and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in .. well .. I just plain screamed.



Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back. The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder. With the sudden acceleration I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices, but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle…my brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.



About this time the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death), and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment), so her front end started to drop.



Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now, the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.



Finally I got the upper hand ... I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked .... sort-of. Spectacularly sort-of ...so to speak.



Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car. I heard screams. They weren't mine... I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street.



I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really... Except for two things. First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car. So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway. That was one thing. The other? Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car .. but it was all his. I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids.

An Unexpected House Guest

(Jesus' words are in bold for understanding's sake.)
Christmas, the air is chilled, the ground is frozen, and snow lies softly over the slumbering earth. It is dark out, and an odd silence rests over the world; that odd silence that only a winter night can bring, even your house seems to sleep... there is a sort of peace, everywhere except your heart.
--It's pounding.
Your eyes dart around the room rapidly, anxiety fills every vein in your body. Your brain is running so fast, you could swear you could here the synapses firing.
What's wrong? Could be anything really. Seems to happen this time of year doesn't it? There's things that didn't get done, relationships that need to be repaired, and guests your house is waiting for.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and this is where we start the scene:
(A figure rises out of bed and plods to the door and opens it. Immediately shock resonates, and words begin to tumble out of it's mouth.)

You: "Oh Lord!!!--- No, not --not, not like that... AIYEE!!! Lord, uhm... Oh wow... I wasn't really expecting you-- I...I.. Oh dear, look at me! This is NO way to be seen by my savior. I'm, sorry Lord! Forgive me--- Come in, sit down, let me serve you. Coffee?"

(Leads the Lord to a LazyBoy Chair)

Jesus: It's fine, really... (sits down) Coffee's good, thank you! (glances around room.)


You: Oh Lord-I'm so sorry, I haven't had time to decorate yet, I know it's your birthday... but I just um, --wasn't expecting you so soon. (mutters)--Or...at all, actually -yeesh!!

(Begins to prepare coffee)

Jesus:(Smiles, aware of what you've just said.) Actually, that's why I'm here...

You: (Shocked that Jesus heard you, your eyes widen) Because I wasn't expecting you?! No... I was, just--- not ... I... (Pours coffee into cup while stammering)

Jesus: (interrupts) Hush child, I came to help you decorate.

You: (suddenly spills the coffee) WHAT?!?!

Jesus: Let me help you...

You: NO! You're my guest, my Lord, let ME serve YOU.

(Jesus sits back and nods as you hand the coffee to him)

You: So you really came here, just to help me decorate my house?

Jesus: Well of course. Don't you remember just yesterday asking for help?

You: Ohhhhh....Well, when I prayed yesterday...I wasn't really meaning like, you personally....

Jesus: Hmmm... Well, yes. But I noticed there were a few things you WEREN'T addressing, things that were bothering you, but you wouldn't tell me.

You: So that's why you're really here, because I didn't talk to you about something?

Jesus: Be patient child, you will see. It's late. Do you have a room for me to sleep in?

You: (mutters)...Why do I have the strangest urge to say; "there's no room in the inn?" (turns to Jesus) Yep! Come this way.

(Jesus enters "guest room" and you walk over to your room and fall back to sleep, fitfully, but asleep. Morning comes. You are now in the kitchen cooking the best pancakes you know how. Jesus is sitting at the breakfast table.)

You: I hope you like pancakes?

Jesus: I'm sure anything you make will be wonderful!

You: haha.....yeeeahh.

Jesus: Would you like some help? (begins to stand)

You: No! Quit asking!! You're my guest, I will serve you.

Jesus: Alright (sits back down)So who's coming today?

You: Aunt Jessie, Mom, Dad, Uncle Carl and his wife.

Jesus: Wow, sounds like a full house!

You: Yeah, I have a lot to do still too. I'm so flustered this season...Just really not ready for it.

Jesus: (chuckles) I've noticed.

You: (begins to show anxiety) You noticed? (wincing)

Jesus: I have to honey, I'm God remember?

You: Oh, right....

(breakfast is eaten and we now move to the attic)

Jesus: (smiles) So how can I help you?

You: Actually (embarrassed by the state of the attic and what is in it. In the corner of the attic are things you really should have gotten rid of years ago, but haven't had the courage to.)... I'll bring some boxes downstairs to you, and then you can deal with them there, how's that sound?

Jesus: Ok, (walks down the attic stairs)

You: (thinking quickly) Uhm, Ok...I'll need this, this...oh and this. (You end up walking down the stairs with only one box.)

Jesus: Hmm this is it?

You: This is all I thought you would like....

Jesus: Why don't you let me help you....

You: Why do you keep saying that?!?!

Jesus and You: "You're my guest, I will serve you."

You: (wince) Ok, what's your point?

Jesus: Sit down, I want to tell you a story.

You: But Lord....

Jesus: Child, sit.

(You sit down reluctantly)

Jesus: Once upon a time there was a family of ducks. The daddy duck knew his ducklings well, and loved them all very much.

You: Ducks? I'm not four....

Jesus: (sighs, and looks at you.)

You: (head drops) Ok... sorry, go ahead...

Jesus: The daddy duck taught his children how to swim, how to get food, and how to clean their feathers. Well one day, his ducklings grew up, and the mommy duck sent them off to find their own families so that one day they could become mommy and daddy ducks. Every year, the ducklings would come back and talk to their daddy about how they were doing. Well, one year one of the ducklings came back, but was so busy feeding, and cleaning and serving the daddy duck, that they never got to talk. Meanwhile, the daddy duck knew the little duckling was hiding something. But said nothing. The duckling went on his way, and didn't come back till next year....

You: (interrupting) Ok, I get it.... But don't you like being served? Aren't we as Christians supposed to do good works?

Jesus: Yes, but I think you're missing something. See, the little duckling wouldn't be anything without having it's father's help, it wouldn't know HOW to swim, HOW to clean, HOW to serve. The duckling learned from it's father.

You: Right, and?

Jesus: You aren't resting. You're doing all these things for me, yet won't let me in to "talk" to you. For instance, your attic....

You: (wince) I know I know, It needs to be cleaned.

Jesus: and your Christmas Decorations?

You: I'm just afraid you won't like them.....

Jesus: Try me.

(Lights go down, and come back up in the living room, it's full of boxes and tins.)

Jesus: That's more like it.

You: Ok, well...Now what?

Jesus: Let's start, ok?

You: Alright...well first we need the tree, then the lights, then....

(Lights fade, when they come back up the tree is light, but there are no ornaments on it. The rest of the house looks very festive and you and Jesus are sitting on the couch talking.You seem to be enjoying yourself)

Jesus: This looks fantastic!!!

You: You really like it?

Jesus: Of course I do!!! You let me help, you were honest with me, and now we're talking again. I've missed you.

You: I've missed you too. I had forgotten how comfortable I am around you.

Jesus: (smiles) There's just one more thing we have to do.

You: Yep! Ornaments.

(You head for a box, it's labeled "Broken Hearts", you open it and begin placing the broken heart ornaments on the tree. Meanwhile, Jesus head's towards another box labeled "Painful Memories" and begins to look through the contents.)

You: WAIT! Jesus, please don't touch that box...it's very fragile.. here, let me do it. (You stop placing the broken hearts on the tree and begin to hang the painful memories methodically, each one causing your face to become sadder and sadder. )

Jesus: (Comes over to you and kneels next to you) You haven't told me everything.

You: These hurt Lord...I asked you to fix the broken hearts last year, I asked you to take away the memories this year.... but they're still there. What am I supposed to do? Complain? What about that verse you know..."Do everything without complaining or arguing"

Jesus: (Takes the ornaments out of your hand and places them in his. He leads you to the couch and sits you down.) Child, that doesn't mean you stop talking to me. These things hurt, I know. I gave them to you on purpose, and I haven't fixed the broken hearts, because some of them aren't even yours to worry about.

You: Huh?

Jesus: Honey, look at this one. (Picks up a shattered heart, barely repaired with Snoopy Band-Aids) This is heart is not even yours, yet you've tried to repair it...with what? Baind-Aids... shouldn't you leave that to me?

You: But it wasn't getting fixed....

Jesus: I have my own work to do in this person's life, why don't you leave it to me, ok?

You: Ok... Well, what about mine? (You point to your heart, lying on the floor, trampled and crushed, shattered into pieces.) This broke a while ago, and you still haven't fixed it.

Jesus: There's a reason, you needed to learn my grace is sufficient. And even though this Christmas, you've brought up these past hurts, I know you've learned what you needed to, concerning this one. Give me your heart.

(You slowly hand Jesus your heart. Jesus takes your heart, and holds it in his scarred hands. Then provides you with a new heart, one that's got scars just like his hands, but is once again; whole. He then walks over to the Painful Memories, and tapes the box back up.)

You: But Lord, you're not going to fix the memories?

Jesus: What's done is done my child, and for reasons some you will never understand. But for now, I will take them. You will still remember, but it is not yours to become bitter. So let me take these, and hand you this: (Jesus hands you a new box, labeled "Memories From Today") Once this box is filled, hand it to me. I will give you a new box, and you can fill that one up for the next day. These thoughts are mine now, you handed me your heart.

(You take the box and begin to smile, the lights go down. The scene has ended.)

DOTK Improvs

So I don't know if I mentioned the retreat I got to go on last month, but I took some video there...I'm terrible at Facebook, so I'm posting them here. My favorite one is "Juliet and Romeo." ...It's our version of Romeo and Juliet...ENJOY!!!

Non-fat Cheeseburger:

From ChristmasSweetDOTK

Miley's Conspiracy:

From ChristmasSweetDOTK

and my all time favorite
Juliet and Romeo:

From ChristmasSweetDOTK

MEEPMEEP!!! :)
This week was soooo good :)
"He restores my soul"
keeps running through my head.
The beach was FANTASTIC!! It was like 70 until the day we got to the Mathiots, and then it dropped.
Friday was SO much fun!!!!! We spent the day as a family on the beach, and wooooowww it was so great, the day just went really slow and was so relaxing :)
And while we were at the Mathiot's, I kept thinking "I'm so relaxed, I feel like I belong"it was so cool :)
And the Lord has taught me how stupid I am.
Too often I play god in my life, and in the lives of others.... and all the while thinking I'm so great for surrendering.
So overall, this weekend was humbling, relaxing, and content :)
I love my Jesus!!!

So apparently I have more readers than I anticipated... :) So all of you readers out there, what posts do you like the best?!?!

(I know the comments won't show up and it's frustrating to write a whole thing. SO:)
If you like the stories (like "Where's God") comment or click the "Awesome" button.
If you like the music videos click "ok"
If youuuu like the poems click "like"

And if you have any random ideas on something to blog about, (story ideas, videos you want to see etc.) comment!! :)
thanks all!

Waiting

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate,
The Master gently said, “My child, you must wait!”

“Wait? You say wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked and am claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“And, Lord you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I’ve been asking and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate.
Once again my Master replied, “You must wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So I’m waiting…for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

All you seek I could give, and pleased would you be.
You would have what you want – but you wouldn’t know ME.
“You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save…(for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.
’Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh the loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!

“So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
my wisest of answers is still but to WAIT.”

-Anonymous

Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives,
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and GOD.
It was never between you and them anyway.

(by Kent M Keith)

Speak to Me Gently

Sadness and rhyme
These are the times
These are the memories
We find a way
Pushing through the day

So speak to me gently
Can you just feel the time
Falling from some place new?
Can you just feel the sign?
Love waits for you
Love waits for you

I'm searching the stars
In desperate hours
Bound to find meaning
God shows a face
In this desolate place
And tenderness meets me

Stories untold
Of redwoods grown old
Reside in the forest
And there you can hear
A whispering tear
That speaks into our loneliness
(http://www.lyricstime.com/future-of-forestry-speak-to-me-gently-lyrics.html)

So glad my home is elsewhere, my beauty is affirmed through Christ, and that even though my circumstances change, God doesn't. So glad I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I know who I am, I know WHOSE I am, and anyone who wants to come along side me can, if they have problems with who I am, they can leave. God created me, me. He's working on me, and it's staying that way. Nothing's changing that.

"I'm so at ease/I'm so content/I play the background/like it's an instrument." (Background-Lecrae)

And Nells Felt Stupid.

One of my friend's status' today on Facebook was: "...and then God said "SURPRISE!!!!" and Mary felt stupid."
...
I think that would adequately summarize where I'm at right now. Or maybe this would:
"My, my, my... what an odd life I live."

Not really sure which one fits better. It's been one of those month's where God's like; "Hey, so. Trust me. No matter what, got it? Good." -bam- life crisis.
Nells learn's to be content in the crisis... (and quite happy I might add.)
-bam-
Everything changes all over again.
Nells is left kind of stunned.
You know, shock? God said, "Surprise!!!"... and Nells felt stupid.

I'm also learning that even if I "press on toward the goal" and don't live a "wasted life" (John Piper--Don't Waste Your Life) ... If I know nothing about love, then what's the point??? God didn't just leaves us to be headstrong and determined, he said "Look, I'm God, follow me. And along the way, show others who I am... Love being the strongest point, I am love. You be love."

ahh thbbttt :P
...And Nell's felt stupid.

More of You and Less of Me

Verse 1
We so impressed
With them ladies
Who be drivin' Mercedes
Who be drivin' them crazy
And we got to be crazy
We so impressed
With them fellas
Who be makin' them jealous
Who be makin' them stellas
And we got to be crazy
I'm so impressed
On the throne
Who left His heavenly Home
Never did anything wrong
They crucified Him on
On a tree, there He made
It was crazy how it set the stage
For His resurrection from the grave, that gets me amazed
You can be the fliest man
With a hundred-grand in your hand
Swag right, sag tight
And a gucci fan
You can be the richest, be the smartest, be the hardest, all of that
But I guarantee before i die they all are fallin' flat

Chorus
Used to want a lot of things
All the stuff thats on TV
Education, cars and clothes
Fashion lights, and jewelery
(Focused on the wrong stuff)Now I got my eyes on You and now i know that/
God is enough/You are enough/ Never too much/ More than enough/ God is enough/ You are enough for me

Verse 2
Party, like the fast-life
Partly, it's the last flight
Chasin' all your dreams, this right here where it's your last night
And then you finally got your cash right
But it never seems to last, right?
You know you sick of lookin, sick of chasin'
I think you know the Truth, you just don't want to face it
Your life is empty, tho' you havin' fun
You never satisfied, you never get enough
You go from thrill seekin', to pill-poppin'
From heavy drinkin', to club-hoppin'
You just can't stop it, like you're a slave
And you chasin' nothin' all the way down into the grave

Vrs 3:
Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
Takes away my fears, You restores my soul
Off into the sky, To dead and Christ arise
To be with You forever, see with the clearest eyes
Push my inner thirst to somethin' more in life
No money, cars, relationships compare to joy in Christ
Love to work that selfish ways, that like to flirt will self destruct
No need to stut, know what I want, know how to get it, but my God's enough!
(lyricspy)

Isn't it Nice to Know?

(Caution, cryptic blogpost. Just trying to sort out thoughts.)

I wish I could get rid of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What I was so afraid of, I fear has happened. I'm not quite sure what to do with that realization. It kinda makes me want to cry, but I'm sort of numb at this point. I saw it coming... I think I cried more this month than I have in the whole year combined. Which is weird, because I can also say I've had a TON of fun this month, and I wouldn't trade THAT for anything. (at least... I think)

I'm just not sure what God is doing. I'm not sure how to keep my "promise". I said I'd never leave. How's that add up with now? How do I cherish what I had, and look forward to what's to come, when I have no idea if "what's to come" is good or not??

I guess I'm not supposed to know, and that'd be why today I read Ezekiel 34 and Psalm 23 this morning. It talked about how we are God's sheep, and how he would take care of us. Yeah, the passage was originally written for Israel, but I'm one of those "lost sheep". He's made me a sheep :P (baaaabaaa)

Psalm 23 (as you can guess from the previous post) has been "speaking" a lot to me lately. It's got so much comfort packed in one chapter. It's so beautiful:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. (He provides all I need!)

He makes me lie down in green pastures, (He forces me to rest, even though I hate sitting still!)
he leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul. (Ever had soul crushing grief? Yeah, he takes care of that.)
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.(Me: "Why do I always get in trouble for being good?? I'm DONE" God: "Umm my name's sake Nels, not yours.")

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; ("I will never leave you nor forsake you.")
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. (again with the comfort, "For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lam 3:33. He wounds with reason.)

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. (Finally, a resting place with my Shepherd, the walk is over, we've reached home!!)

Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver?

Where's God?

I open my eyes, close them... there's no difference. The inky blackness is blinding, the stench in the room is haunting. It's bringing back memories that send a chill down my spine, and provoking haunting new ones.
Silence. Agonizing silence screaming so loudly in my ears that they begin to ring. The hissing the silence produces, and the sound of my racing heart mixed with the rushing sound of my ragged breathing fill my head. My spine tingles with anxiety, and then I'm attacked. The beast. I've tried to run from him all my life, but never entirely succeeded. A terror of a thing, his name strikes fear into my heart with the same accuracy of a hot blade. The beast has a name; Loneliness. He slowly wraps his black hands around my heart and squeezes, his claws piercing my heart. With each struggle for breath my hope diminishes, finally with one last attempt to free myself I collapse to my knees. They break as I hit the cold stone, and the sound of their cracks reverberates against the walls of my terror. Pain shoots through my body and throws little sparks behind my eyes. Defeated, my hands fly to my face... Only to find my face streaked with tears. Soaked from sweat in my attempt to flee from the loathsome beast. My voice is all I have left now, and in despair I feel desperate words escape from my mouth, "Where are you God?!?!?!" What started as a horrified whisper, has now grown to a terrifying shriek of anger, "You promised to never leave me!" My fist clenches and I shake it at the sky, "Where are you in my hell???"

Silence.

And then through the darkness, a faint whisper. "Right here." It was the voice I knew so well, gentle and calming. "Where I've always been, and where I'll always be; right by your side."

*Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me. * (Psalm 23:4a)

My Paragraphs for Writing Class xD

One day in writing class I was asked to write a story. It was so that I could learn how to use paragraphs. However, I felt I already partially understood the art. Nevertheless, "Practice makes perfect." my teacher exclaimed.


So I sat down and began to write a story. It told of a young girl who was trapped in the heart of a deep forest. She was trapped, and helpless, the typical young maiden in popular novels. However, as I was writing I became distressed with the typical maiden, and began throughout the story, to warp her into a hideous creature.

As in most stories, the young maiden needed saving. So, I wrote into the plot, a handsome young man to rescue her. He rode in on a noble white steed--- I stopped, my pen hovering over the page. This was too typical. I took my pen and aggressively attacked the page, ripping a hole into the paper's precious flesh. I winced, that was not my intention. The poor paper lay there, seriously injured. My pen was bleeding from the brutal attack, it had won, but had definitely been wounded.

Looking frantically around the room for something to repair the damage, my eyes fell upon scotch tape. Grabbing it, I rushed over to the wounded paper and began to attend to it's wounds. I winced, the tape had solved the immediate problem, but the poor paper would be scarred forever.

Sighing I picked up my pen again, realizing it had died while I was attending to the paper. 'Serves it right.' I muttered under my breath. I glanced around the room casually, when suddenly I realized something; I should have used a pencil.

I grabbed a pencil, and began to write again. Instead of writing the original story I had planned on, I wrote of my calamity and sent it in. Hoping I would get a good grade....

I Desire.....

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

(WARNING ANOTHER JOURNAL ENTRY!!!)

If I delight myself in You... won't you be all I want?

James 4:1-3 (ESV)

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this that your passions (pleasures) are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not recieve, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions (pleasures).

>_<

Ok, I don't think I've ever asked... because I'm afraid of vers 3... so I've "schemed" "fought and quarreled" I'm so wrong. Forgive me. Create in me a clean heart oh God, restore in me the joy of your salvation. Make You my passions, make You my desire.

... now I ask :p

But from a clean heart. You know I desire a relationship. Would you, prepare a pure, godly man, with his heart in tune with you--- for me? And allow me the patience, and contentment to wait on You?

If you intend for me to stay single, prepare my heart.

Whatever You have planned, please work in my foolish heart. It wants to run and fufill it's passions. You become it's passion. You fill me. You become my desire. And I leave the other passions behind. I'll leave the one's that are "proper" but need waiting and molding Your hands And I'll focus on loving you, Not serving you, not pleasing you.... I can only do those things through Christ, whom I claim is my friend, and whom I love dearly. I need to start acting like it.