Sometimes you get to a point where you're discouraged. One step forward and its ten steps back. You look at where you are, and where you want to be, and it feels impossible. "What's the point of even dreaming, if achieving is so impossible? Is that hope even really where I'm supposed to be, or have I created a dream world that I try to fit God into? I thought for sure that's what God had planned...."
Then. Then you stop staring at the goal, look at the ground and gather your thoughts: what's true? What's noble? What's pure?
"I know that God has a plan. I know that he will never leave me or forsake me, despite my faults and failures. I know that he has dragged me from the pit of despair and set me free.
This is truth."
Your heart begins to beat faster as hope approaches, your mind continues to pound out thoughts:
"I know that the point of my life is to preach Christ. Not only in what I say, and do... but what I eat, how I handle money, the stuff I put on my body, my reaction to disappointment, and even the stuff I pin on Pinterest. To know Christ and be known by him is the highest goal. In the morning when I wake up, am I asking God to be glorified in me and through me?
Preach Christ, die, be forgotten.--- This is noble."
You get to a point where you can lift your head a little... what's this? This gentle breeze on the face? That's the taste of courage. But just when you feel like you could try again.. your head starts in again:
My life is full of sin, there's not a day I don't go to bed and regret the things I did or didn't do. I'm a failure. I'm worthless, and even with a noble cause, I always share Christ wrong. What if I choose the wrong path? What if I think God says something... and I just manage to ruin it?
-what is pure?-
Christ is pure. He has saved me for freedom. My sins are great, but his love is greater. My life is full of wrinkles and stains, but they're covered with the precious blood of Jesus Christ who I get to call saviour. God sees me as righteous because of this. My deepest failures, my darkest doubts and my most hopeless nights are flooded with light and victory with the words "It is Finished" "There is now no condemnation". "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, and he will make your paths straight" this is Christ. This is freedom.
This is purity."
Your heart maybe doesn't begin to be flooded with emotion and passion, but there is a quiet determination. What is this? Ten steps back... and yet, there is peace. Your eyes are no longer on your feet, or even on the goal (that may very well be good, and what God wants...) but instead, your eyes are locked with that of a scarred savior, brilliant in all his glory, tender and compassionate, with the eyes of a victor. Nothing can hold you back. For this is your God. This is what you're living for, whether or not you ever make it to where you had planned, you are safe. Confident. Victorious. Full of peace, and most of all: filled with joy.
