And Nells Felt Stupid.

One of my friend's status' today on Facebook was: "...and then God said "SURPRISE!!!!" and Mary felt stupid."
...
I think that would adequately summarize where I'm at right now. Or maybe this would:
"My, my, my... what an odd life I live."

Not really sure which one fits better. It's been one of those month's where God's like; "Hey, so. Trust me. No matter what, got it? Good." -bam- life crisis.
Nells learn's to be content in the crisis... (and quite happy I might add.)
-bam-
Everything changes all over again.
Nells is left kind of stunned.
You know, shock? God said, "Surprise!!!"... and Nells felt stupid.

I'm also learning that even if I "press on toward the goal" and don't live a "wasted life" (John Piper--Don't Waste Your Life) ... If I know nothing about love, then what's the point??? God didn't just leaves us to be headstrong and determined, he said "Look, I'm God, follow me. And along the way, show others who I am... Love being the strongest point, I am love. You be love."

ahh thbbttt :P
...And Nell's felt stupid.

More of You and Less of Me

Verse 1
We so impressed
With them ladies
Who be drivin' Mercedes
Who be drivin' them crazy
And we got to be crazy
We so impressed
With them fellas
Who be makin' them jealous
Who be makin' them stellas
And we got to be crazy
I'm so impressed
On the throne
Who left His heavenly Home
Never did anything wrong
They crucified Him on
On a tree, there He made
It was crazy how it set the stage
For His resurrection from the grave, that gets me amazed
You can be the fliest man
With a hundred-grand in your hand
Swag right, sag tight
And a gucci fan
You can be the richest, be the smartest, be the hardest, all of that
But I guarantee before i die they all are fallin' flat

Chorus
Used to want a lot of things
All the stuff thats on TV
Education, cars and clothes
Fashion lights, and jewelery
(Focused on the wrong stuff)Now I got my eyes on You and now i know that/
God is enough/You are enough/ Never too much/ More than enough/ God is enough/ You are enough for me

Verse 2
Party, like the fast-life
Partly, it's the last flight
Chasin' all your dreams, this right here where it's your last night
And then you finally got your cash right
But it never seems to last, right?
You know you sick of lookin, sick of chasin'
I think you know the Truth, you just don't want to face it
Your life is empty, tho' you havin' fun
You never satisfied, you never get enough
You go from thrill seekin', to pill-poppin'
From heavy drinkin', to club-hoppin'
You just can't stop it, like you're a slave
And you chasin' nothin' all the way down into the grave

Vrs 3:
Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
Takes away my fears, You restores my soul
Off into the sky, To dead and Christ arise
To be with You forever, see with the clearest eyes
Push my inner thirst to somethin' more in life
No money, cars, relationships compare to joy in Christ
Love to work that selfish ways, that like to flirt will self destruct
No need to stut, know what I want, know how to get it, but my God's enough!
(lyricspy)

Isn't it Nice to Know?

(Caution, cryptic blogpost. Just trying to sort out thoughts.)

I wish I could get rid of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What I was so afraid of, I fear has happened. I'm not quite sure what to do with that realization. It kinda makes me want to cry, but I'm sort of numb at this point. I saw it coming... I think I cried more this month than I have in the whole year combined. Which is weird, because I can also say I've had a TON of fun this month, and I wouldn't trade THAT for anything. (at least... I think)

I'm just not sure what God is doing. I'm not sure how to keep my "promise". I said I'd never leave. How's that add up with now? How do I cherish what I had, and look forward to what's to come, when I have no idea if "what's to come" is good or not??

I guess I'm not supposed to know, and that'd be why today I read Ezekiel 34 and Psalm 23 this morning. It talked about how we are God's sheep, and how he would take care of us. Yeah, the passage was originally written for Israel, but I'm one of those "lost sheep". He's made me a sheep :P (baaaabaaa)

Psalm 23 (as you can guess from the previous post) has been "speaking" a lot to me lately. It's got so much comfort packed in one chapter. It's so beautiful:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. (He provides all I need!)

He makes me lie down in green pastures, (He forces me to rest, even though I hate sitting still!)
he leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul. (Ever had soul crushing grief? Yeah, he takes care of that.)
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.(Me: "Why do I always get in trouble for being good?? I'm DONE" God: "Umm my name's sake Nels, not yours.")

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; ("I will never leave you nor forsake you.")
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. (again with the comfort, "For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lam 3:33. He wounds with reason.)

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. (Finally, a resting place with my Shepherd, the walk is over, we've reached home!!)

Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver?

Where's God?

I open my eyes, close them... there's no difference. The inky blackness is blinding, the stench in the room is haunting. It's bringing back memories that send a chill down my spine, and provoking haunting new ones.
Silence. Agonizing silence screaming so loudly in my ears that they begin to ring. The hissing the silence produces, and the sound of my racing heart mixed with the rushing sound of my ragged breathing fill my head. My spine tingles with anxiety, and then I'm attacked. The beast. I've tried to run from him all my life, but never entirely succeeded. A terror of a thing, his name strikes fear into my heart with the same accuracy of a hot blade. The beast has a name; Loneliness. He slowly wraps his black hands around my heart and squeezes, his claws piercing my heart. With each struggle for breath my hope diminishes, finally with one last attempt to free myself I collapse to my knees. They break as I hit the cold stone, and the sound of their cracks reverberates against the walls of my terror. Pain shoots through my body and throws little sparks behind my eyes. Defeated, my hands fly to my face... Only to find my face streaked with tears. Soaked from sweat in my attempt to flee from the loathsome beast. My voice is all I have left now, and in despair I feel desperate words escape from my mouth, "Where are you God?!?!?!" What started as a horrified whisper, has now grown to a terrifying shriek of anger, "You promised to never leave me!" My fist clenches and I shake it at the sky, "Where are you in my hell???"

Silence.

And then through the darkness, a faint whisper. "Right here." It was the voice I knew so well, gentle and calming. "Where I've always been, and where I'll always be; right by your side."

*Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me. * (Psalm 23:4a)