"Watch This"

Wow....

Oh, the things God's been teaching me lately. Can we say huge "growth spurt"?

Camp was all about contentment... I know I stated that in my previous post, but I think I have time to expound:

I'm not really sure where to start to be honest, so if this post seem like random ramblings... well you know how I write if you follow my blog, sooooo bear with the unfinished sentences, incomplete thoughts, and run-on-sentences. I'll do you a favor and take an English 101 class (later.).

I'm sorta frustrated. Because God's doing exactly what I asked him to. But that's not what's frustrating me, it's frustrating that I am frustrated..... To which, I think I'm frustrated because what I've been asking for is occuring, but I forgot that there's this little thing called "time",I forgot how impatient I am too. So when 'time' came around and said that I needed to wait during transitions... welllllll I got a little frustrated.

I'm going to be very careful in describing what this statement has to do with anything, because ... well I don't want you guys to think I have a big head.

Sometimes I don't feel like I connect, to anyone. Because I, think. And that scares people. People don't want to think, they want to live their life ignoring the pain, ignoring the questions and just kinda .... drift through life. And the Christians? It bugs them when you ask questions too. You're not supposed to be sinful, you're not supposed to ask questions. You're just supposed to believe. I've seen so many friends (and leaders) not ask questions for fear of being condemned.

I've always been bold and asked what I was thinking, and worrying about what other people think later. Sometimes being ignorant is bliss. Let's just put it that way. Because when you are ignorant? You have a lot more friends.

I'm not saying I don't have friends. Oh goodness no, I have a TON of God-fearing friends. But please understand when I say it's lonely, I mean it. It doesn't mean I don't have friends... It just means that sometimes the ones I have don't feel like listening to me rant. (hence the blog hehe)

So yeah. Well that rant had a point in my head... moving on...

Anyways, at camp:

Satisfaction.

Only found in Christ. I know that. It's easy to say, harder to practice. If Jesus is so satisfying, why am I so sad all the time? Because he's not the focus all the time, my priorities get crooked and satisfaction is the farthest thing from my mind. My purpose is to live for Christ, to give him honor in everything.

"I have learned the secret of being content... For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:11-13

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Sounds pretty good right?

So I asked God to put Himself first. To have total faith and put God first takes a lot more guts than I anticipated.

I'm falling in love with Jesus, (like it should be) but the pull-away from this earth is hard. God's taking everything I've deemed important and knocking it down to size. That hurts. It's like sitting back and hearing God go "Watch this....." and waiting for results.

This is what I want. I want Jesus to be my all.... it's just, I'm not so sure how He's my 'all', when he kinda took away the ways that I currently (or intended to) serve in.

Just waiting now. Thought you might want to come join me in watching my life. So that's my post.