An Unexpected House Guest

(Jesus' words are in bold for understanding's sake.)
Christmas, the air is chilled, the ground is frozen, and snow lies softly over the slumbering earth. It is dark out, and an odd silence rests over the world; that odd silence that only a winter night can bring, even your house seems to sleep... there is a sort of peace, everywhere except your heart.
--It's pounding.
Your eyes dart around the room rapidly, anxiety fills every vein in your body. Your brain is running so fast, you could swear you could here the synapses firing.
What's wrong? Could be anything really. Seems to happen this time of year doesn't it? There's things that didn't get done, relationships that need to be repaired, and guests your house is waiting for.

Suddenly, the doorbell rings, and this is where we start the scene:
(A figure rises out of bed and plods to the door and opens it. Immediately shock resonates, and words begin to tumble out of it's mouth.)

You: "Oh Lord!!!--- No, not --not, not like that... AIYEE!!! Lord, uhm... Oh wow... I wasn't really expecting you-- I...I.. Oh dear, look at me! This is NO way to be seen by my savior. I'm, sorry Lord! Forgive me--- Come in, sit down, let me serve you. Coffee?"

(Leads the Lord to a LazyBoy Chair)

Jesus: It's fine, really... (sits down) Coffee's good, thank you! (glances around room.)


You: Oh Lord-I'm so sorry, I haven't had time to decorate yet, I know it's your birthday... but I just um, --wasn't expecting you so soon. (mutters)--Or...at all, actually -yeesh!!

(Begins to prepare coffee)

Jesus:(Smiles, aware of what you've just said.) Actually, that's why I'm here...

You: (Shocked that Jesus heard you, your eyes widen) Because I wasn't expecting you?! No... I was, just--- not ... I... (Pours coffee into cup while stammering)

Jesus: (interrupts) Hush child, I came to help you decorate.

You: (suddenly spills the coffee) WHAT?!?!

Jesus: Let me help you...

You: NO! You're my guest, my Lord, let ME serve YOU.

(Jesus sits back and nods as you hand the coffee to him)

You: So you really came here, just to help me decorate my house?

Jesus: Well of course. Don't you remember just yesterday asking for help?

You: Ohhhhh....Well, when I prayed yesterday...I wasn't really meaning like, you personally....

Jesus: Hmmm... Well, yes. But I noticed there were a few things you WEREN'T addressing, things that were bothering you, but you wouldn't tell me.

You: So that's why you're really here, because I didn't talk to you about something?

Jesus: Be patient child, you will see. It's late. Do you have a room for me to sleep in?

You: (mutters)...Why do I have the strangest urge to say; "there's no room in the inn?" (turns to Jesus) Yep! Come this way.

(Jesus enters "guest room" and you walk over to your room and fall back to sleep, fitfully, but asleep. Morning comes. You are now in the kitchen cooking the best pancakes you know how. Jesus is sitting at the breakfast table.)

You: I hope you like pancakes?

Jesus: I'm sure anything you make will be wonderful!

You: haha.....yeeeahh.

Jesus: Would you like some help? (begins to stand)

You: No! Quit asking!! You're my guest, I will serve you.

Jesus: Alright (sits back down)So who's coming today?

You: Aunt Jessie, Mom, Dad, Uncle Carl and his wife.

Jesus: Wow, sounds like a full house!

You: Yeah, I have a lot to do still too. I'm so flustered this season...Just really not ready for it.

Jesus: (chuckles) I've noticed.

You: (begins to show anxiety) You noticed? (wincing)

Jesus: I have to honey, I'm God remember?

You: Oh, right....

(breakfast is eaten and we now move to the attic)

Jesus: (smiles) So how can I help you?

You: Actually (embarrassed by the state of the attic and what is in it. In the corner of the attic are things you really should have gotten rid of years ago, but haven't had the courage to.)... I'll bring some boxes downstairs to you, and then you can deal with them there, how's that sound?

Jesus: Ok, (walks down the attic stairs)

You: (thinking quickly) Uhm, Ok...I'll need this, this...oh and this. (You end up walking down the stairs with only one box.)

Jesus: Hmm this is it?

You: This is all I thought you would like....

Jesus: Why don't you let me help you....

You: Why do you keep saying that?!?!

Jesus and You: "You're my guest, I will serve you."

You: (wince) Ok, what's your point?

Jesus: Sit down, I want to tell you a story.

You: But Lord....

Jesus: Child, sit.

(You sit down reluctantly)

Jesus: Once upon a time there was a family of ducks. The daddy duck knew his ducklings well, and loved them all very much.

You: Ducks? I'm not four....

Jesus: (sighs, and looks at you.)

You: (head drops) Ok... sorry, go ahead...

Jesus: The daddy duck taught his children how to swim, how to get food, and how to clean their feathers. Well one day, his ducklings grew up, and the mommy duck sent them off to find their own families so that one day they could become mommy and daddy ducks. Every year, the ducklings would come back and talk to their daddy about how they were doing. Well, one year one of the ducklings came back, but was so busy feeding, and cleaning and serving the daddy duck, that they never got to talk. Meanwhile, the daddy duck knew the little duckling was hiding something. But said nothing. The duckling went on his way, and didn't come back till next year....

You: (interrupting) Ok, I get it.... But don't you like being served? Aren't we as Christians supposed to do good works?

Jesus: Yes, but I think you're missing something. See, the little duckling wouldn't be anything without having it's father's help, it wouldn't know HOW to swim, HOW to clean, HOW to serve. The duckling learned from it's father.

You: Right, and?

Jesus: You aren't resting. You're doing all these things for me, yet won't let me in to "talk" to you. For instance, your attic....

You: (wince) I know I know, It needs to be cleaned.

Jesus: and your Christmas Decorations?

You: I'm just afraid you won't like them.....

Jesus: Try me.

(Lights go down, and come back up in the living room, it's full of boxes and tins.)

Jesus: That's more like it.

You: Ok, well...Now what?

Jesus: Let's start, ok?

You: Alright...well first we need the tree, then the lights, then....

(Lights fade, when they come back up the tree is light, but there are no ornaments on it. The rest of the house looks very festive and you and Jesus are sitting on the couch talking.You seem to be enjoying yourself)

Jesus: This looks fantastic!!!

You: You really like it?

Jesus: Of course I do!!! You let me help, you were honest with me, and now we're talking again. I've missed you.

You: I've missed you too. I had forgotten how comfortable I am around you.

Jesus: (smiles) There's just one more thing we have to do.

You: Yep! Ornaments.

(You head for a box, it's labeled "Broken Hearts", you open it and begin placing the broken heart ornaments on the tree. Meanwhile, Jesus head's towards another box labeled "Painful Memories" and begins to look through the contents.)

You: WAIT! Jesus, please don't touch that box...it's very fragile.. here, let me do it. (You stop placing the broken hearts on the tree and begin to hang the painful memories methodically, each one causing your face to become sadder and sadder. )

Jesus: (Comes over to you and kneels next to you) You haven't told me everything.

You: These hurt Lord...I asked you to fix the broken hearts last year, I asked you to take away the memories this year.... but they're still there. What am I supposed to do? Complain? What about that verse you know..."Do everything without complaining or arguing"

Jesus: (Takes the ornaments out of your hand and places them in his. He leads you to the couch and sits you down.) Child, that doesn't mean you stop talking to me. These things hurt, I know. I gave them to you on purpose, and I haven't fixed the broken hearts, because some of them aren't even yours to worry about.

You: Huh?

Jesus: Honey, look at this one. (Picks up a shattered heart, barely repaired with Snoopy Band-Aids) This is heart is not even yours, yet you've tried to repair it...with what? Baind-Aids... shouldn't you leave that to me?

You: But it wasn't getting fixed....

Jesus: I have my own work to do in this person's life, why don't you leave it to me, ok?

You: Ok... Well, what about mine? (You point to your heart, lying on the floor, trampled and crushed, shattered into pieces.) This broke a while ago, and you still haven't fixed it.

Jesus: There's a reason, you needed to learn my grace is sufficient. And even though this Christmas, you've brought up these past hurts, I know you've learned what you needed to, concerning this one. Give me your heart.

(You slowly hand Jesus your heart. Jesus takes your heart, and holds it in his scarred hands. Then provides you with a new heart, one that's got scars just like his hands, but is once again; whole. He then walks over to the Painful Memories, and tapes the box back up.)

You: But Lord, you're not going to fix the memories?

Jesus: What's done is done my child, and for reasons some you will never understand. But for now, I will take them. You will still remember, but it is not yours to become bitter. So let me take these, and hand you this: (Jesus hands you a new box, labeled "Memories From Today") Once this box is filled, hand it to me. I will give you a new box, and you can fill that one up for the next day. These thoughts are mine now, you handed me your heart.

(You take the box and begin to smile, the lights go down. The scene has ended.)

DOTK Improvs

So I don't know if I mentioned the retreat I got to go on last month, but I took some video there...I'm terrible at Facebook, so I'm posting them here. My favorite one is "Juliet and Romeo." ...It's our version of Romeo and Juliet...ENJOY!!!

Non-fat Cheeseburger:

From ChristmasSweetDOTK

Miley's Conspiracy:

From ChristmasSweetDOTK

and my all time favorite
Juliet and Romeo:

From ChristmasSweetDOTK

MEEPMEEP!!! :)
This week was soooo good :)
"He restores my soul"
keeps running through my head.
The beach was FANTASTIC!! It was like 70 until the day we got to the Mathiots, and then it dropped.
Friday was SO much fun!!!!! We spent the day as a family on the beach, and wooooowww it was so great, the day just went really slow and was so relaxing :)
And while we were at the Mathiot's, I kept thinking "I'm so relaxed, I feel like I belong"it was so cool :)
And the Lord has taught me how stupid I am.
Too often I play god in my life, and in the lives of others.... and all the while thinking I'm so great for surrendering.
So overall, this weekend was humbling, relaxing, and content :)
I love my Jesus!!!

So apparently I have more readers than I anticipated... :) So all of you readers out there, what posts do you like the best?!?!

(I know the comments won't show up and it's frustrating to write a whole thing. SO:)
If you like the stories (like "Where's God") comment or click the "Awesome" button.
If you like the music videos click "ok"
If youuuu like the poems click "like"

And if you have any random ideas on something to blog about, (story ideas, videos you want to see etc.) comment!! :)
thanks all!

Waiting

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate,
The Master gently said, “My child, you must wait!”

“Wait? You say wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked and am claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“And, Lord you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I’ve been asking and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate.
Once again my Master replied, “You must wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So I’m waiting…for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

All you seek I could give, and pleased would you be.
You would have what you want – but you wouldn’t know ME.
“You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint;

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save…(for a start),
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.
’Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh the loss! If I lost what I’m doing in you!

“So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
my wisest of answers is still but to WAIT.”

-Anonymous

Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives,
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and GOD.
It was never between you and them anyway.

(by Kent M Keith)

Speak to Me Gently

Sadness and rhyme
These are the times
These are the memories
We find a way
Pushing through the day

So speak to me gently
Can you just feel the time
Falling from some place new?
Can you just feel the sign?
Love waits for you
Love waits for you

I'm searching the stars
In desperate hours
Bound to find meaning
God shows a face
In this desolate place
And tenderness meets me

Stories untold
Of redwoods grown old
Reside in the forest
And there you can hear
A whispering tear
That speaks into our loneliness
(http://www.lyricstime.com/future-of-forestry-speak-to-me-gently-lyrics.html)

So glad my home is elsewhere, my beauty is affirmed through Christ, and that even though my circumstances change, God doesn't. So glad I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I know who I am, I know WHOSE I am, and anyone who wants to come along side me can, if they have problems with who I am, they can leave. God created me, me. He's working on me, and it's staying that way. Nothing's changing that.

"I'm so at ease/I'm so content/I play the background/like it's an instrument." (Background-Lecrae)

And Nells Felt Stupid.

One of my friend's status' today on Facebook was: "...and then God said "SURPRISE!!!!" and Mary felt stupid."
...
I think that would adequately summarize where I'm at right now. Or maybe this would:
"My, my, my... what an odd life I live."

Not really sure which one fits better. It's been one of those month's where God's like; "Hey, so. Trust me. No matter what, got it? Good." -bam- life crisis.
Nells learn's to be content in the crisis... (and quite happy I might add.)
-bam-
Everything changes all over again.
Nells is left kind of stunned.
You know, shock? God said, "Surprise!!!"... and Nells felt stupid.

I'm also learning that even if I "press on toward the goal" and don't live a "wasted life" (John Piper--Don't Waste Your Life) ... If I know nothing about love, then what's the point??? God didn't just leaves us to be headstrong and determined, he said "Look, I'm God, follow me. And along the way, show others who I am... Love being the strongest point, I am love. You be love."

ahh thbbttt :P
...And Nell's felt stupid.

More of You and Less of Me

Verse 1
We so impressed
With them ladies
Who be drivin' Mercedes
Who be drivin' them crazy
And we got to be crazy
We so impressed
With them fellas
Who be makin' them jealous
Who be makin' them stellas
And we got to be crazy
I'm so impressed
On the throne
Who left His heavenly Home
Never did anything wrong
They crucified Him on
On a tree, there He made
It was crazy how it set the stage
For His resurrection from the grave, that gets me amazed
You can be the fliest man
With a hundred-grand in your hand
Swag right, sag tight
And a gucci fan
You can be the richest, be the smartest, be the hardest, all of that
But I guarantee before i die they all are fallin' flat

Chorus
Used to want a lot of things
All the stuff thats on TV
Education, cars and clothes
Fashion lights, and jewelery
(Focused on the wrong stuff)Now I got my eyes on You and now i know that/
God is enough/You are enough/ Never too much/ More than enough/ God is enough/ You are enough for me

Verse 2
Party, like the fast-life
Partly, it's the last flight
Chasin' all your dreams, this right here where it's your last night
And then you finally got your cash right
But it never seems to last, right?
You know you sick of lookin, sick of chasin'
I think you know the Truth, you just don't want to face it
Your life is empty, tho' you havin' fun
You never satisfied, you never get enough
You go from thrill seekin', to pill-poppin'
From heavy drinkin', to club-hoppin'
You just can't stop it, like you're a slave
And you chasin' nothin' all the way down into the grave

Vrs 3:
Lord is my Sheppard, I shall not want
Takes away my fears, You restores my soul
Off into the sky, To dead and Christ arise
To be with You forever, see with the clearest eyes
Push my inner thirst to somethin' more in life
No money, cars, relationships compare to joy in Christ
Love to work that selfish ways, that like to flirt will self destruct
No need to stut, know what I want, know how to get it, but my God's enough!
(lyricspy)

Isn't it Nice to Know?

(Caution, cryptic blogpost. Just trying to sort out thoughts.)

I wish I could get rid of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. What I was so afraid of, I fear has happened. I'm not quite sure what to do with that realization. It kinda makes me want to cry, but I'm sort of numb at this point. I saw it coming... I think I cried more this month than I have in the whole year combined. Which is weird, because I can also say I've had a TON of fun this month, and I wouldn't trade THAT for anything. (at least... I think)

I'm just not sure what God is doing. I'm not sure how to keep my "promise". I said I'd never leave. How's that add up with now? How do I cherish what I had, and look forward to what's to come, when I have no idea if "what's to come" is good or not??

I guess I'm not supposed to know, and that'd be why today I read Ezekiel 34 and Psalm 23 this morning. It talked about how we are God's sheep, and how he would take care of us. Yeah, the passage was originally written for Israel, but I'm one of those "lost sheep". He's made me a sheep :P (baaaabaaa)

Psalm 23 (as you can guess from the previous post) has been "speaking" a lot to me lately. It's got so much comfort packed in one chapter. It's so beautiful:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. (He provides all I need!)

He makes me lie down in green pastures, (He forces me to rest, even though I hate sitting still!)
he leads me beside quiet waters,

He restores my soul. (Ever had soul crushing grief? Yeah, he takes care of that.)
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.(Me: "Why do I always get in trouble for being good?? I'm DONE" God: "Umm my name's sake Nels, not yours.")

Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me; ("I will never leave you nor forsake you.")
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. (again with the comfort, "For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lam 3:33. He wounds with reason.)

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. (Finally, a resting place with my Shepherd, the walk is over, we've reached home!!)

Isn't it nice to know that the lining is silver?

Where's God?

I open my eyes, close them... there's no difference. The inky blackness is blinding, the stench in the room is haunting. It's bringing back memories that send a chill down my spine, and provoking haunting new ones.
Silence. Agonizing silence screaming so loudly in my ears that they begin to ring. The hissing the silence produces, and the sound of my racing heart mixed with the rushing sound of my ragged breathing fill my head. My spine tingles with anxiety, and then I'm attacked. The beast. I've tried to run from him all my life, but never entirely succeeded. A terror of a thing, his name strikes fear into my heart with the same accuracy of a hot blade. The beast has a name; Loneliness. He slowly wraps his black hands around my heart and squeezes, his claws piercing my heart. With each struggle for breath my hope diminishes, finally with one last attempt to free myself I collapse to my knees. They break as I hit the cold stone, and the sound of their cracks reverberates against the walls of my terror. Pain shoots through my body and throws little sparks behind my eyes. Defeated, my hands fly to my face... Only to find my face streaked with tears. Soaked from sweat in my attempt to flee from the loathsome beast. My voice is all I have left now, and in despair I feel desperate words escape from my mouth, "Where are you God?!?!?!" What started as a horrified whisper, has now grown to a terrifying shriek of anger, "You promised to never leave me!" My fist clenches and I shake it at the sky, "Where are you in my hell???"

Silence.

And then through the darkness, a faint whisper. "Right here." It was the voice I knew so well, gentle and calming. "Where I've always been, and where I'll always be; right by your side."

*Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me. * (Psalm 23:4a)

My Paragraphs for Writing Class xD

One day in writing class I was asked to write a story. It was so that I could learn how to use paragraphs. However, I felt I already partially understood the art. Nevertheless, "Practice makes perfect." my teacher exclaimed.


So I sat down and began to write a story. It told of a young girl who was trapped in the heart of a deep forest. She was trapped, and helpless, the typical young maiden in popular novels. However, as I was writing I became distressed with the typical maiden, and began throughout the story, to warp her into a hideous creature.

As in most stories, the young maiden needed saving. So, I wrote into the plot, a handsome young man to rescue her. He rode in on a noble white steed--- I stopped, my pen hovering over the page. This was too typical. I took my pen and aggressively attacked the page, ripping a hole into the paper's precious flesh. I winced, that was not my intention. The poor paper lay there, seriously injured. My pen was bleeding from the brutal attack, it had won, but had definitely been wounded.

Looking frantically around the room for something to repair the damage, my eyes fell upon scotch tape. Grabbing it, I rushed over to the wounded paper and began to attend to it's wounds. I winced, the tape had solved the immediate problem, but the poor paper would be scarred forever.

Sighing I picked up my pen again, realizing it had died while I was attending to the paper. 'Serves it right.' I muttered under my breath. I glanced around the room casually, when suddenly I realized something; I should have used a pencil.

I grabbed a pencil, and began to write again. Instead of writing the original story I had planned on, I wrote of my calamity and sent it in. Hoping I would get a good grade....

I Desire.....

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

(WARNING ANOTHER JOURNAL ENTRY!!!)

If I delight myself in You... won't you be all I want?

James 4:1-3 (ESV)

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this that your passions (pleasures) are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not recieve, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions (pleasures).

>_<

Ok, I don't think I've ever asked... because I'm afraid of vers 3... so I've "schemed" "fought and quarreled" I'm so wrong. Forgive me. Create in me a clean heart oh God, restore in me the joy of your salvation. Make You my passions, make You my desire.

... now I ask :p

But from a clean heart. You know I desire a relationship. Would you, prepare a pure, godly man, with his heart in tune with you--- for me? And allow me the patience, and contentment to wait on You?

If you intend for me to stay single, prepare my heart.

Whatever You have planned, please work in my foolish heart. It wants to run and fufill it's passions. You become it's passion. You fill me. You become my desire. And I leave the other passions behind. I'll leave the one's that are "proper" but need waiting and molding Your hands And I'll focus on loving you, Not serving you, not pleasing you.... I can only do those things through Christ, whom I claim is my friend, and whom I love dearly. I need to start acting like it.

Oops...

There are no "deals" with God... I think that's another thing I've figured out I struggle with.

"I've been a good girl, therefore God must.... (fill in the blank)"

"If I'm a good little girl, then God will bless me, hopefully in the way I want."

... which really isn't being a good little girl at all, is it? ...oops.

Let's see... that covers:

envy ( I want this God...)

manipulation (If I do this God has to do this...)

deceit (I'll be a good girl, but only if I get what I want...)

is jealousy the same thing as envy? maybe it is... but we'll put it on the list anyways.

discontentment (why didn't God do what I thought he would?!)

anger (Okay God, what do I have to do to get you to understand, THIS is what I want... not THAT!!)

And the whole time God's going... "Hun... I never agreed to that...."

Sounds like a good little Christian girl no?

I have a lot to work on......

Why Facebook is a "NO" This Week

So whoever is reading this probably came to read on why I'm not going on Facebook this week... I'm going to include bits and pieces of my journal, that is part of the reason I came to the conclusion I should stop Facebook for a week. As a warning, my journal entries fluctuate between prayers and statements of what occurred in my week... so if it seems that the post is directed toward you, it's not... it's really a letter to God :)

So first of all... I want you to keep working in my life.

I need to trust you.

I need to stop making crude jokes.

I need to stop thinking I need so much :P

I am very "lonely" (guywise) which is retarded because I am very blessed with great friends, but I know that there is not a guy for me here. Yet. I think I get impatient with that.

....

I'm seriously considering staying off of Facebook for a week and regaining my strength. Because I think I'm recognizing issues, but not taking the time to deal with them. I'm reading the word every day, but I'm not meditating. It's like I've been eating fast-food all month spiritually.. and if I don't watch it I'm going to get sick. Sheesh... I am getting sick spiritually... and it's making me sad.

I know it must make you sad. You're the water of life, and I'm content to get my feet wet while I'm telling others to "Jump in!! The waters fine!!" Because I've been in the deep end, and know the water is AWESOME!

Yeah...

Sadness and Rhyme,

These are the times

These are the momories

We find a way

Pushing through the day

So speak to me gently

(Did you lose yourself?

Did you leave yourself behind?)

I'm so tired of working

For so long

To be loved

So Jesus stay by my heart

Stay beside me

You are hope for my soul

You complete me

You make us one

You make us one

So like a child I'm gazing

Into perfect grace

So hold me close to you, Never let me go

You're all I want You're all I ever needed

You're all I want, Help me know you are near

Father use my ransomed life

In any way you choose

And let my song forever be, my only boast is You.

(Future of Forestry -Speak to Me Gently, Did You Lose Yourself, Working to Be Loved, Stay Beside Me, Gazing, and some church songs :) )

The Reason for God

For school this week I had to write a book report based on Timothy Keller's "The Reason for God" my teacher requested I post it on my blog, so here it goes, enjoy!

Timothy Keller wrote with a specific purpose. In his book The Reason for God, he challenges commonly accepted theories and tests them against historical facts and common sense. He presents the Christian faith, and provides the reasoning behind the belief. He boldly states that the Christian faith is not blind, and that there are many “clues” (he refuses to call them “proofs”, because you cannot “prove” history.) to the belief in God, and the claim of the resurrection.

One of society’s biggest cries today, is that “truth is relative”. Keller considers its implications to its fullest extent. One of his biggest arguments is, “If truth is relative, then how can you tell me I’m wrong?” Indeed, if truth is relative, who are you to tell me I’m wrong? It’s only your opinion. In all manner of speaking, the people who say, “Truth is relative” are really saying, “All truth is relative, except mine”. Because if truth was truly no pun intended) relative, then you couldn’t say it was, because that would be an absolute truth.

Keller also states that every man has a concept of God on some level, even atheists. It’s a big thing to assume, but it is completely consistent in what he claims to believe. In Romans 1:20 it says, “For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.” (NLT)

One of the biggest complaints of “non-believing” people is that Christians are not consistent. They claim one thing, and then act as if what they just claimed was not true. Keller should be applauded for his consistency.

His reasons for this outrageous statement are moral obligation, and the problem of human rights. The same people who will say that there is no God, will advocate abortion, yet demand the equality of women in the workplace, and then blatantly state that truth is relative. Keller points out these major inconsistencies and begs of us to examine what we really believe. We say that murder is wrong and that people have “God-given rights” and then claim there is no God. Clearly, all of us are lying to ourselves somehow; we need to solve the problem of our inconsistencies.

He then states that our concept of God is skewed. (This is also consistent with his beliefs.

The Lord looks down from heaven, on the entire human race; he looks to see if anyone is truly wise, if anyone seeks God. But no, all have turned away. (Psalm 14:2 &3a NLT)) There are two loudly stated beliefs about God:

1.) God is a God of love

2.) God is cruel and demanding, demanding blood for the penance of sin.

Keller states that God is a God of love, but not in the sense we understand. We are not able to manipulate God into accepting who we are without change by simply stating, “God is a God of love.”

God is not a child abuser. The real story of the cross is described in Chapter 12. People want God to “just forgive” us, instead of demanding a price for the sin we’ve committed. Keller helps us see the impossibility of this by describing the fact that, even when someone forgives us of something, someone always has to pay. When someone damages your property, if you just forgive them, that’s great for them. Someone has to pay for the damage, if you forgive them, you are the one paying for the damage of the property. Keller points out that Christians believe that Jesus is God. So, on the cross, God ‘paid’ for the damage we did to his ‘property’ (us, creation, and the other people our sin affects.) I know for me, that was personally convicting. Sometimes I forget just how much God did for me. Keller doesn’t allow us to nonchalantly approach the cross.

Nobody debates the fact that Jesus was crucified. The debate comes in when you state one word; Resurrection.

You cannot prove a resurrection, Keller knows this. Therefore, instead of trying to prove something he can’t, he points out the “hints” that lead up to a strong case for the reality of the resurrection, for example, the witness of the women, the witness of over five-hundred other people, the martyr’s, and the empty tomb. He states; ‘if the disciples had really made all of this up, then why would they have used women as the first witnesses, when they knew that even in court a woman’s testimony held no weight?’

After creating such a strong argument for the existence of God, Keller states that with this knowledge we cannot just simply walk away. Evidence like this demands a verdict, and Keller will not allow us to leave the courtroom without serious consideration to what we will do with the evidence presented.

If God exists, then you are either his enemy, or on his side.

Keller gives the outline for salvation, and states that we need to throw aside our doubts. If we are only holding back because we know how much control God really has over our lives (and hate that fact) then we need to ask for forgiveness, and ask God to change us. We need to allow His hand in our lives, and only then will we find our ‘true reality’. God created us, he already controls us. The question is, will you fight that, or simply accept it?

In conclusion, The Reason for God is an excellent book and should be considered as a supplement to any apologetics course, or read by skeptics of God everywhere.

How Do We Love God?

Yesterday Wednesday night Bible Studies started up again. I think those are my favorite. It's awesome when your week goes really terrible, and then you get to come on Wednesday night and be reminded of God.

Yeah, sometimes we just need to be reminded that he exists. Or at least, I know I do.

My day yesterday didn't go so amazing. I had a really really hard time. I was doing pretty good, till around 2:30ish. We were just about to leave, and I had plugged in my ipod (so it could charge) because I wanted to show a friend a CD of Future of Forestry. Well, I had stuck my ipod into my sisters computer, instead of the one that has my Itunes on it. Aaaannnd my ipod fizzled and froze. That didn't make me happy. So grumbling I went out to the car and sat while I waited for us to leave.

Well my siblings and I help out for Wednesday Night Dinners, roughly about 500 people come each night to the supper. (Sometimes more.) We're in charge of setting out plates, wrapping silverware (all 500... ick), placemats, salt &pepper etc.

When we finally finished, it was almost time for dinner...but I had an algebra test. And boy was I stuck.

But then it finally came... my favorite part. Bible Study!!!

We talked about love. The greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. That's really hard to do. How do we put God first??

By realizing who he is.

Wassup? Actually.. Quite a Bit!!

Hey look! I'm actually blogging!!! (And ignoring proper punctuation!)

I have time today, and it feels great. I don't really have any deep thoughts right now. I think that's because at the moment I'm still kinda in shock. Our church is going through a "storm" right now. And adjusting to change is not one of my strong points.

I've also been super-busy taking care of friends, and exhausting myself while serving them. I lovvvee doing that!! I think I'm starting to burn myself out though. It's not good to serve constantly and never draw on God's strength. I'm starting to learn that.

My week is filled up already, and it's only Monday. I'm so enjoying relaxing right now. I really need to move a bed into my room... See, when we moved in both my sister and I took futon's in our room, it makes more space. And seeing as how we're in the same room... we thought the best thing would be the space, instead of a real bed.

Except I have bad knees. The futon only aggravates that. Then I try to compensate for the ache, and end up killing my back. -sigh- So I end up waking up in the middle of the night all tired, and sore. Then I have a hard time falling back to sleep.

Apparently I'm sleeping some, but only enough to produce strange dreams, and I'm talking in my sleep, again. I haven't done that in forever. Oh, and last week my side began to ache again.

Which is really bad.

Long story short?

For some reason God created it so that my side hurts when I over-do it. We thought it was mono at first, (last year when it started doing that) but then the doctors took x-rays, and tested me for mono and everything, and they couldn't figure out why my side does that.

Guess I'm just messed up....

On the bright side of things, my mom ordered my contacts!!! :) YAY! I hate wearing my glasses, they're this hideous white color, and they're kinda cat-eye-ish... yeeeah, just doesn't fit my face.

Oh! And I just got signed up for driving school :)

I'm not sure whether to be happy... or terrified...

hehe.

I think I finally figured out why God didn't let me get a job this summer, and even cut-out Wake Tech. God's so much smarter than me. I hate it that it takes tons of things to remember that. But, I think God's using me to help out my friends through their crisis' this semester. It's pretty cool that God's letting me do that. A few years ago, the only friends I had only tolerated me. Because, I was pretty selfish... and really obnoxious too. Now, not only am I more than tolerated, people seek me out! I can't walk through the halls of my church without having to stop, give hugs, highfives, fist-punches, and seek out how people are doing!

It's a pretty cool thing, to see how God works in messed up people's lives. Not only do I get to see him work through mine, but now I'm watching him work through my friends lives!!

I think I'll leave with this quote I picked up from a conference I got to go to this weekend called "Next Level". The speaker ended up being my mom's college professor. He was awesome. He made the Old Testament make sense to me. It was awesome. Anyways, here's the quote:

"I am not what I ought to be

I am not what I want to be

I am not what I hope to be

But still, I am not what I used to be,

And by the grace of God,

I am what I am." -John Newton

And Then There Was None

Well, I haven't blogged in forever... which I'll probably blog about, in the time when I finally find time to blog about not having time, and how we need to make time for God. But tonight is not that night.

So, instead I will put down the few words that my friend and I have decided to put in the dictionary. Seeing as how people probably will not commonly use these words, we decided to make our own. We only have four words so far, but it's gradually building. We've talked about doing this for a while... but I only JUST now started it.

Here are the words:

Confabulated - (Past tense verb form of “Confabulate”) Adj,: to be fabulously confused by an outside source. Confabulation- Noun

Home-mashed - Verb: The art of mashing potatoes in the home.

Noun: Referring to real mashed potatoes, not the nasty box stuff.

Nothingnesses- Noun: The people of Nothingness.

Wowt- Expression: It's like "Wow", but with the awesomeness of Mr. T (Ex. Wowt! This stuff is amazing!!)

_____________________________________________________

And those are our words :)

My week's been crazzyy. But I'm learning to rest in God. :)

Till There Was You

Begin the day by speaking to you

You are everywhere I can't seem to escape it

Open a book and read about you

Step outside, and find you there too

Try to grasp what you know

But find myself falling

When I begin to think I finally understand

You blow my mind again

At the end of the day I find my self saying

“I wish I understood you”

How can I know you and yet know nothing at all?

Next day all I know, I left you behind.

The book I had read the day before

Is lying closed by my bedroom door

Step outside again, and all I see

Is how the things around relate to me

At the end of this day

I find myself empty and alone

The emptiness inside of me

I listen and inside my head

And thousands of voices drone

Open my door and crash on the bed

Ignoring the ache inside of me

I turn to my door and gaze

Pierced by what I look and see

The book I read is lying there

It hasn’t moved yet seems to stare

Pick it up and begin to read

Inside my heart you’ve planted a seed

Ending the day by speaking to you

You are everywhere I can't seem to escape it

Open the book and read about you

Step outside, and find you there too

Try to grasp what you know

But find myself falling

When I begin to think I finally understand

You blow my mind again

At the end of this day I find my self saying

“I wish I understood you”

- Jessica Angelica

"If You Find Her, Tell Her That I Love Her"

She was head-strong, had a mind of her own. That’s what they all told me. She was pretty, confident in the way she held herself. She had caught my eye. But everyone advised me to stand back, this girl was not going to bend to wishes.No one had ever been able to hold her thus far. She could stand perfectly well on her own.It is told that she had loved once, but the lucky man whom she fancied had not wished to care. Ah, that I had been that man that she had fancied. What made her like him so?

They all said that my catching her was impossible.

No man wanted to attempt it.

For it would ‘cost to much’… ‘you won’t come out alive’.

They said with faces grave.

But I was determined.

To be more than just brave.

In her heart, she had spoke

To many of her friends

She wished that one would love her.

And dare to know her name.

To brave through thick and thin.

One worthy of the fight

For once one proved himself worthy,

She said she’d fall in place.

But only her close friends,

Had been told this in the night

All the while, the boys that wished

Were held in place by fright.

So I declare I’ll be,

The one to give it a try

I know that I’ll succeed

And make her my own bride.

For if she is indeed

A girl with her own mind

I would like to read

What’s hidden I will find.

She broke my heart today,

But I’m not giving up.

She says that she is fine,

And doesn’t need one by her side.

But I have spoken to friends of hers

And know that all the while

She puts up her biggest walls,

To those she loves the most.

She’s changed today

I’ve watched her grow

I know I love her

Ever so.

She’s opened her heart to those she loves

But is afraid still to fall

She says she’s dying for one to try

To pry into her heart

She’s willing to submit now,

To whatever must be done.

She loves her God

And puts her soul

Into his loving hands

She’s learned that

“Mr. Right”

Will somehow understand.

So again I try, but kinder this time round

And to my surprise I know that I have found

She’s wary still, but willing to

Admit her feelings so.

She’s held my hand, she talks to me

And on our way we go.

-Jessica Angelica

No Expectations

(When used in this post Master = Parents, Boss, anyone of higher authority than you. )

I'd much rather serve a master, than do what he told me to do.

Meaning: I'd rather serve, than obey.... if that makes sense...

Hmmm Point of View.

If I'm serving God, then I'm obeying my master. The thing I'm afraid of is failing. When you server someone, you can't fail... because whatever your doing is:

1.Undeserved

or

2. Unexpected

Expectations. That's where the problem comes. I don't want to submit to someone else's expectations because those are fickle and they change on a whim. When you submit it always means you fail. It means you'll never reach the level of your master. That's terrifying to someone with a dominate personality. I aim to achieve. An unachievable goal will have me running in circles, in that case... why even try??

When I'm serving, the 'master' usually is 'pleased' because the control is in my hands. I can do the best and be pleased, knowing that I have given my master my best. Not to have the success of the job taken away. It all comes down to this:

1. I don't trust my master

2. I don't know that he won't be unreasonable

3. I don't know he won't hurt me

4. I don't know that he will protect me

However, I am ultimately not in my 'master's' hands. For there is a higher master, who is pleased at any and all obedience... even if the goal is unreachable, the obedience means a 'servants heart'. I am ultimately serving a God (master) who is:

1. Reasonable (Just, Honest, Remembers we are dust.)

2. Will not give me anything not worth having, (...everything works together for good)

3. Will not hurt me without good reason (Who can question God?)

4. Going to protect me (For Neither height nor depth... can separate us from God's love.)

5. Is pleased. (Therefore, there is now no condemnation)

And because I serve and obey that master, I know that I can trust Him to do all these things while still allowing the earthly master to be fallible.

I can obey my master, not just serve, because I am ultimately serving (meaning there are no expectations) a higher master, who has no expectations because they have been completed through Jesus Christ.

"Servants be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing. When, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God."

(1 Peter 2:18-20)

(speaking of Jesus:)

"When He was reviled, He did not revile in return: When He suffered He did not threaten, but continued trusting Himself to Him who judges justly."

(21)

"Humble yourselves, therefore under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."

(5:6&7)

"Watch This"

Wow....

Oh, the things God's been teaching me lately. Can we say huge "growth spurt"?

Camp was all about contentment... I know I stated that in my previous post, but I think I have time to expound:

I'm not really sure where to start to be honest, so if this post seem like random ramblings... well you know how I write if you follow my blog, sooooo bear with the unfinished sentences, incomplete thoughts, and run-on-sentences. I'll do you a favor and take an English 101 class (later.).

I'm sorta frustrated. Because God's doing exactly what I asked him to. But that's not what's frustrating me, it's frustrating that I am frustrated..... To which, I think I'm frustrated because what I've been asking for is occuring, but I forgot that there's this little thing called "time",I forgot how impatient I am too. So when 'time' came around and said that I needed to wait during transitions... welllllll I got a little frustrated.

I'm going to be very careful in describing what this statement has to do with anything, because ... well I don't want you guys to think I have a big head.

Sometimes I don't feel like I connect, to anyone. Because I, think. And that scares people. People don't want to think, they want to live their life ignoring the pain, ignoring the questions and just kinda .... drift through life. And the Christians? It bugs them when you ask questions too. You're not supposed to be sinful, you're not supposed to ask questions. You're just supposed to believe. I've seen so many friends (and leaders) not ask questions for fear of being condemned.

I've always been bold and asked what I was thinking, and worrying about what other people think later. Sometimes being ignorant is bliss. Let's just put it that way. Because when you are ignorant? You have a lot more friends.

I'm not saying I don't have friends. Oh goodness no, I have a TON of God-fearing friends. But please understand when I say it's lonely, I mean it. It doesn't mean I don't have friends... It just means that sometimes the ones I have don't feel like listening to me rant. (hence the blog hehe)

So yeah. Well that rant had a point in my head... moving on...

Anyways, at camp:

Satisfaction.

Only found in Christ. I know that. It's easy to say, harder to practice. If Jesus is so satisfying, why am I so sad all the time? Because he's not the focus all the time, my priorities get crooked and satisfaction is the farthest thing from my mind. My purpose is to live for Christ, to give him honor in everything.

"I have learned the secret of being content... For I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:11-13

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Sounds pretty good right?

So I asked God to put Himself first. To have total faith and put God first takes a lot more guts than I anticipated.

I'm falling in love with Jesus, (like it should be) but the pull-away from this earth is hard. God's taking everything I've deemed important and knocking it down to size. That hurts. It's like sitting back and hearing God go "Watch this....." and waiting for results.

This is what I want. I want Jesus to be my all.... it's just, I'm not so sure how He's my 'all', when he kinda took away the ways that I currently (or intended to) serve in.

Just waiting now. Thought you might want to come join me in watching my life. So that's my post.

Short and Sweet.

No, I have not abandoned my blog. This week has been so crazy!!! I went to camp at "Awanita Valley" I learned a *ton* mostly about contentment and satisfaction. But I'll ramble more on that later.

This week I'm turning sixteen!!!!!!

I have friends from out of town and out of the state coming in :) :) I'm so excited!!!! Now just to apply patience.

Have an awesome day fellow bloggers!

Let's Find the Cure

How many times have we sought a cure, how often have we tried to find comfort in things that are other than God?

Life hurts, badly. Many a time we seek comfort for those hurts in things other than God. I have now realized that; that's a sin. To seek comfort in something other than God when we are bruised and battered is wrong, not to mention disappointing.

God created things that give us pleasure, but those things are incapable of giving us contentment. Full satisfaction is impossible without Christ.

Contentment is only achieved knowing this: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

When life doesn't go as planned (or rather for us pessimists; exactly as we expected) we need to turn to the cross.

Bible reading won't "work". It's not a cure. Only Jesus is that cure. You can't do a certain amount of things in a specific order to get yourself to feel better. No, it's realizing that it's okay that you aren't god. Learning to say "not my will but yours." Speak to Jesus, let him speak to you, through his word, yes. But, don't go to the Bible, open it and demand words of comfort. When you come to Jesus you don't deserve anything, not one thing. But Jesus decided to die for you. THAT'S comfort. Rest in that. Know that Jesus loves you, will never forsake you, knows what's best for you, and knows exactly what he's doing in your life... even when you don't.

Slow Down

This chest is full of memories

Of gold and silver tears

I’ll give you more to own than

All of this

And I’ll give you more than years

For you were once a child of innocence

And I see you just the same

Your burdens couldn’t win or

Lose a thing

Oh, I’d tell you once again

But you’re always on the run

Slow your breath down

Just take it slow

Find your heart now, oh

You can trust and love again

Slow your breath down, just take it slow

Find your smile now, oh

You can trust and love again

If you leave I’ll still be close to you

When all your fears rain down

I’ll take you back a thousand times again

I’ll take you as my own

I would sing you songs of innocence

‘Til the light of morning comes

‘Til the rays of gold and honey cover you

In the sweetness of the dawn

But you’re always on the run

You’re not alone

You’re now a part of me

You feel the cure

I’ll feel the toil it brought you ~Future of Forestry